How Normal Are You?

It's an interesting thing being married to a therapist. People tell Bub their deepest darkest secrets and he tells them how to solve their problems and live their lives. Everybody has their issues, and sometimes mine spill out at home.... Bub gets a kick out of it when I tell him "You're not my therapist!"

There are however times when it's rather nice to have a therapist on hand. The other night for example. We were laying in bed talking one night, as we often do before we go to sleep. And I was rambling on, spilling my guts about how inadequate I feel as a mother, and wife and especially as a housekeeper. I've mentioned on this blog before that housekeeping is not a skill or talent that comes naturally to me. As long as I can remember, I've struggled with it. Through out my life I've had a reputation among my family (and probably friends) as a slob. I've made a lot of progress over the years, but as much as I try, I can't get away from that label in my own head. I think that even if my house were absolutely pristine and spotless 100% of the time, I'd still feel bad about it. I always feel everybody else has it so much more under control, and that there's just something wrong with me -or something lacking in that area. (like I said, we've all got issues) As I went on and on Bub said to me "You know, you're a lot more normal than you think." At that moment I pictured countless housewives each with a turn sitting across the room from my therapist husband divulging their domestic weaknesses; admitting that they didn't do their dishes that morning, or that their bed hadn't been made in two weeks, that they'd fed their children grapes and potato chips for dinner. And I felt so much better. He should know what normal is.

It got me to thinking though. What is normal? Why don't I know what normal is? All I have to judge by is what I see around me. I picture everyone else I know as those Moms you see on TV commercials. The kind who have everything under control and simply give a knowing smile while armed with the greatest new cleaning product as their children run a rampage through their house. a little wipe here, and a wipe there, and the whole house sparkles and gleams. I hate TV moms...they can't be real can they?

A few weeks ago, I read on my friend's blog that her house was 'all door open' clean for a get together she had. That means her house was clean enough to have all the doors open. It amazed me! TV moms really do exist! Though I'm certainly not one of them. Having my house 'all door open' clean is on the top of my list of wildest dreams!

I remember one time about 5 years ago. Two of my best friends were coming to my house with their kids. It was a disaster. Really. At it's worst. I was so busy and trying to get so much ready. And I knew I'd never be able to get it clean in time. So I made a conscious decision to just suck it up and deal with the fact that they would see my house as terrible as it was. I told myself that they are my dear friends and that they would love me with out thinking less of me. I had talked myself into being okay with it. Until they came. When they walked in and I explained my situation to them, they were wonderful and gracious. But I felt absolutely horrible and embarrassed anyway. I felt like they didn't like me anymore even though I know they totally do. To this day, I still feel embarrassed and crappy about that. I've had similar experiences to that a lot this past year being pregnancy disabled. Even now, my house is a wreck and if someone came to visit, I'd be dying on the inside and feeling terrible.

When I'm at other people's houses (I don't purposely look) but if I happen to notice a little dust around or dirt marks on the wall, I LOVE IT! It is so comforting to me. I think so-and-so is a great person and her house isn't perfectly clean! Maybe I'm a little bit okay.

Perhaps I'm just trying to make myself feel better. But, I have to believe that I'm not the only one who has 'issues' tied up with the cleanliness of my house. And I have to believe that most of us don't talk about it how it really is. So, in an attempt to decide what's really normal, I'm going to post some poll questions on my sidebar. Please take a minute to answer them. They are totally anonymous, so we can all be totally honest and find out what normal really is..... I am anxious and curious to find out. If you have a question you'd like asked in the poll, let me know. If you have some sort of house cleaning or house running tip, I'd love to hear that in the comments as well! And here's to trying to boost our mental health!