The First Day Of.....

Today is the first day of school for my kiddos. Aiden is a first grader now, and Emma is starting her second year of preschool. We got up early to get ready, have breakfast and take pictures before we walked to school. We took Aiden to the first grade playground and the first grade doors. At first he played with a boy he knew from his kindergarten class. Then, more kids started coming and I think he got caught up in looking around for more familiar faces. I was kind of glad because 3 second grade boys walked up to the playground looking at Aiden and his friend and said "These boys are TEENY!" I'm sure they were just reveling in their new found ranking as second graders....but to a nervous mama, it was hard for me not to see them as potential bullies.
Soon Aiden's teacher opened the door and it was time to line up. Emma watched from her stroller and as soon as the line started moving, Emma burst into tears! "No, my A!" she cried with her arms stretched out and reaching for her brother. It broke my heart. She did the same thing last year on the first day of kindergarten. I thought then that she just didn't understand where he was going or maybe didn't know that he would come back. But this year, I was struck with a different feelings. I tried uselessly to calm her down. I told her he was coming back. I told her she could go to her own class. But in my heart, I looked at Aiden and I saw not only her big brother, her teaser, her protector, but her friend. Her BEST friend. and her only friend. separation from him, must be a very difficult and lonely thing for her. my heart aches in the sweet tenderness that only a mother's heart can. They don't always get along. They tease each other, they poke, and prod and know how to push each other's buttons. Don't be fooled, Emma can hold her own with Aiden. but today I knew, I really knew that they love each other. And I can't help but wonder if Emma will ever have her own friends, or if she'll always depend on her big brother this way. In my heart I hope that they will always be this close, that they will always need each other like they do now, even though I know their situations will change.
Emma arrived in her classroom with fresh trails of tears streaking down her cheeks. She didn't smile, but she did calm down and joined her class.
Then, it was my turn. I walked home all alone. The separation is hard for me too. I wasn't expecting that. But, it's a sweet sorrow, and it makes picking them back up from school all that much nicer. Emma gets so excited when she sees me after school. If you know her, you can picture her whole body stiffening in one big excited explosion, nearly jumping out of her chair. And Aiden comes running to me with his arms wide open saying "Mommy!" --it is short lived. In the same breath, and a hug so quick you'd miss it in a blink, he asks "can I play?" and runs off to the playground leaving me holding his backpack before I can even respond.
These are the days. These are the moments I will remember. The moments I will miss.
The first day of school for them. The first day of so many other things for me.